Control

De certo que não serei diferente, e por isso tento pensar em algo tão semelhante.

Só assim posso evitar ser um velho queixoso e derrotado, com tanto pesar que carrego nas sombras dos olhos.

Mesmo ouvindo de mim o que sei ser capaz, resisto à dúvida de um controlo maior, dobrado nas costas do meu legado.

Mesmo dominando o dia, a cada dia que vem, há sempre uma forma do tempo nos invadir e ganhar a tutela, um pensamento de cada vez.

É impossível não pensar, que tudo o que somos, há-de sempre mudar.

Tenho melhor a noção do tempo que demora uma montra a desenhar um reflexo de mim.

É isto que nos pedimos quando nascemos, ter a noção do tempo, principalmente quando morremos.

November 1, 2022

I live my life knowingly absent of pleasure.

Commitment replaced the most elementary definition of pleasure and inversely evolved the sense of autonomy and responsibility.

I don’t find pleasure in dragging my feet coming out of a bus while thinking about the indulgence waiting for me at home.

I don’t find pleasure driving a cabriolet in the most beautiful road towards a new restaurant.

I find pleasure in controlling the urge to have pleasure in life as a cultural concept.

I find pleasure in pleasure itself, and that’s why I am what I care about.

September 25, 2022

Enemies are the ultimate external sign of a developed stature. Friends are the prevalent state of infinite scale, from within. Dissidents are the ones in the middle, occupying a dimensional space between those antipodes.

These three territories are a part of my theory conjuring the outer shell ( defensive attacks ) the inner depth ( critic and creationism ) and the obsolete social medium ( unequal procedural structures ).

Exhaling keeps the focus on the personal body ecosystem, inhaling subtracts the politics from the ethical conundrums of the past while breathing proficiently can make up for all the inefficient time spent living as a human.

May 5, 2019

O mundo é factual. As pessoas fazem-no relativo. Eu procuro o absolutismo desse facto. Isso custa muito de mim, exige tudo de mim e no entanto ninguém o reconhece devido à sua relatividade e à minha crédula passividade nesses seres.

May 4, 2019

Persistence @ an ambitious, while fair, delirious pervasive persuasion of eternity and a remarkable brand. A simple thought thriving on the way I live learning how to engage in the advancement of a bigger percentage of use of my brain into the life of all.

the MONSTRUKTOR

April 22, 2018

Dominance @ intellectual control over social reciprocal action through silent influence of the end result. From ice cream to shoes, or rockets, or kids, dominance affects only the infliktor by the strong opposition of the inflicted to acquire my new, and always unwelcome truth.

the MONSTRUKTOR

April 3, 2018

As if the weight of a simple breath could measure the inability to understand how much I am love. Coping with this cathartic fact – of what I can sense to arise from the track of the past – as a living chapter I have been writing in the long history of life, while living and always learning. I stopped free absorption and replaced it with my expelling path until I prove me, how I have beaten my own mortality.

the MONSTRUKTOR

March 4, 2018

I’m not miserable because, I workout regularly and train my diet to be able to eat healthy, drink responsibly and be happy with it all.

the MONSTRUKTOR

February 6, 2018

When ignorance is a bliss, everything around you decays into the unaware control of nothing.

the MONSTRUKTOR

January 29, 2018

There are a few things that I have to do. Control myself and the urges of instinct is one of the most important to tackle.

The first provision of experience is always discovery and while providing novelty, the debacle of my mind over my mind begins to enunciate the need to impose order, hierarchy and my methodic approach.

I swam again, more precise, focused, aware. I have now more mental grip while naturally flowing through water but I still have to think about it rather than be in it.

There’s inherent a frustration of age and lack of previous interest in swimming but I must assure myself of the path and not of the end result.

There will be enjoyment and fruitful hoarding of the enhanced self throughout the rest of my life.

December 11, 2016

It’s been a while since I’ve been too busy imagining trees burning, animals disappearing, the earth engulfing humans, anger taking over. Watching me destroy everything in my path, just because I needed no cause to cause destruction than my own fatality.

I live in a different time. I have earned time from time itself and made a wand from will and my own magic.

December 2, 2016

Older, darker, aware. Without enemies but with a legion of silent allies.

the MONSTRUKTOR

March 26, 2016

As soon as air kicks in, you start to control the surface of the cradle, the faces that were a blurry smudge of care, the close beings of infatuation and truth anonimously participating in an unstoppable cry of control and awareness.

A never ending torrent of faith and commitment in legacy and hopes.

the MONSTRUKTOR

March 24, 2016

What I do everyday is simply my way to communicate with the world. Yes, you!

The importance you had in my life was such that even today, when i’m creating, from thought, i know you are present. So present that I still feel the scars you gave me and left me alone to cure. I feel them as rock rolling while gorging me through the throat of a beast engulfing yet another talented rebel. I feel it!

From the early moments our paths have crossed, i sensed we could have a wonderful time together. Me, glazed with you. You, expecting nothing more than another ambitious boy you knew would fail. I don’t remember the common feeling of that time about ourselves but i know i still admire you for your tenacity and belief in the species you are curating. 

I kept my faith as a man, in this consecutive and symbiotic relation we have accomplished together all this years, but… I’m very sorry, very very and deeply sorry, dear world but this isn’t working for me anymore. I will continue, alone, ascending to the material oblivion of us all, forcing you to tell my story. This will be the regret you will have from me. The only one.

This is not a defeat, a token of my own demise or even a give up shoulder movement of some sort. This is a notice, a letter of self construction and evolution. This is me using you to my own egoselfishpower of expression and creation. This is me saying you don’t have what i need to be with me and be a part of this transcendent path of awareness and enlightenment. Sorry, but you don’t…

I will continue my presence as flesh until i have recycled myself through the elements, as a rite of kindness and share to the ones who i love unconditionally. They deserve it. I will keep them close as particles of me. Inside. Protected with these words of me and you. They know because I have told them.

I know this is hard, but i also know you will overcome this situation with a lot more experience and focus on protecting yourself from the illusions of control you though you could have on a sage. 

Thank you, It was good, but now its going to be even better.

When you change your mind you know where to find me, always!

the MONSTRUKTOR

February 6, 2016

the apprentice

December 24, 2015

The scope and scale of the way you construct your life gives you possibilities beyond reasonable interactions of simplicity.

the MONSTRUKTOR

December 22, 2015

We’re defined by our choices, we just need to remember and put them to motion.

the MONSTRUKTOR

November 29, 2015

Antimattering the most destructive substance known to men. Me.

the MONSTRUKTOR

October 29, 2015

How small you can be seen, how big you can deceive, how apart are the visions of my boundaries, how close is the core to my limits.
How delicate can all this anger, translate all that is inside of me.

the MONSTRUKTOR

September 29, 2015

I have a story instead of a past so I cannot be haunted by no one but me.

the MONSTRUKTOR

August 14, 2015

Time is the scarcest resource.

the MONSTRUKTOR

July 24, 2015

My disappointment happens only when I’m awake.

the MONSTRUKTOR

July 21, 2015

Wait for the right moment to start and breathe.
Search for the things you need to assemble it and breathe.
Collect in you and in others the incisive, lethal cuts you are not able to self inflict, and breathe.
Think about the result you are aiming at and stop, really stop, everything, even your heartbeat, and then, breathe.
Gather all the energy around in you and with a torrent of truth dedicate yourself on becoming obsolete, one thought at a time, one step at a time, breathless.

the MONSTRUKTOR

March 9, 2015

In a fight between a man and a bull wins the smartest.

the MONSTRUKTOR

February 26, 2015

Perspective the woman body from above and you feel the urge, from below and you feel she’s your toy.

the MONSTRUKTOR

January 5, 2015

When you stop before becoming remarkable you’re doomed to come again harder.

the MONSTRUKTOR

January 3, 2015