I must assume the way I want to indulge my needs, the way others must see me, how I do not want to say a word and still be heard.
I say, I do, I listen to so much while i take care and act on what I know to be the needs of others always neglecting myself to the last place of reverent attention.
I receive so little. So less. So sparsely.
Inciting, demanding and keeping focus on everyone instead of me… or maybe not, because this is a feature of meditation, performance and personality.
Directing, managing everything from goals to results to emotions to expectations on anything and anybody around me. And in me. Juggling sanity in between the few moments of clarity.
This is why probably the medium in which I am most focused on its the only thing that keeps me alive and human for now, giving.
the MONSTRUKTOR